Your mouth is God's brothel.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's rum buckets o'clock
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
