I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
