Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
