Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
