I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
