She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
