I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
