Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
she woke up with a sticky ear
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
