He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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