best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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