Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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