Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
