If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
