I am puke
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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