Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
