I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
