there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
