And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He shit in the fireplace
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
