I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
