know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Randomize
