dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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