Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
