You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
