She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I need to calm my uterus...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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