i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
