Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
