it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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