you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wish i was in the wii world.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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