i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
