If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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