I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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