Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
