She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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