I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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