I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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