I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
