who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
