No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
