does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
