If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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