Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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