he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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