i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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