I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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