I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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