You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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