Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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