i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize