I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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