Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
