when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
