I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
