I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize