Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
PANTIES FOUND
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