Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
