At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
