I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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