bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
