i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
