What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You are the jesus of drinking
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
