He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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