what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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