Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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