Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
