she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
