ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
