i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
