When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
