Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
