we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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