I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
